


Midnight musings

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:21:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Idea 03-04-2017





	

**Author's Note:**

> Idea 03-04-2017

When Jani asked me to come over to his place, I didn’t know what to expect.

He said he wanted to talk about something. He said he felt a bit sad. So here I was, standing in front of his house. I rang thrice already but no one responded. I got slightly worried and wanted to walk around the house until I heard the bassist’s familiar voice.

 ‘Oh, Markus! I’m here!’, Jani appeared seemingly out of nowhere. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, and baggy pants. Of course, accompanied by a soft scarf.

 ‘How are you holding up?’, I wanted to know.

‘Fine again. Yet, unsatisfied. I don’t know why’, the other man muttered as he lowered his head.

Then he looked up again, making eye contact. A smile appeared on his face.

 ‘Anyway! I invited you, didn’t I? Let’s get inside. I’ll make some coffee or tea, if you’d prefer that?’

‘Coffee is good for me’, I replied with a simple nod.

 

Once we were inside, I saw what a mess his house had become. There were piles of framed pictures or just the photographs. Many boxes were stacked up too. I saw some snippets of music sheets spread across the room as well together with blueprints of interesting looking architecture. Some dust had formed on some of the piles. I also spotted some cobwebs in the corners of the living room.

 ‘Sorry about the mess. I’ve been busy lately. Don’t know what to do with myself. Besides that, I’m totally fine’, Jani reassured me with a grin but I saw the subtle sorrow in his eyes. There was just not enough glimmer in his otherwise lively eyes.

 He made some coffee and we then sat down in the kitchen.

‘You don’t mind getting some dirt on there?’, I asked as I nodded at the blueprint of a house which Jani put my cup on. The retired architect shook his head.

 ‘It’s a sketch after all. It’s not like I get these things published or anything’, he mumbled.

‘Are you okay, Jani? You really look tired and sad’, I remarked. I held my breath as I awaited his answer.

‘I don’t know anymore, Markus. I feel so hollow. It’s lonely here. Especially without you’, Jani admitted.

 ‘I know and I’m sorry, Jani’, I replied but I knew I couldn’t do anything about this. I carefully took the other man’s hands in my own and gently squeezed.

 It made Jani look up to me. I smiled. A faint smile appeared on the other man’s face too now.

‘Would you like to have lunch with me?’, the bassist asked me. Of course, I couldn’t and wouldn’t refuse such an offer. We hardly did things together anymore.

 ‘Yes, I’d love to.’

 

Before it was noon, I asked Jani if I could help him with cleaning the house a little.

‘Are you really up for it? It’s a lot of work, honestly’, Jani had commented.

‘It’s okay. I can do this. _We_ can do this’, I replied. And so we started to clean the whole house again.

 

 ‘What about these blueprints, Jani?’

‘You can throw them in the trash. I didn’t like them anyway’, came his reply.

  ‘Mind if I keep these, though? They look amazing!’, I asked.

‘Whatever you want, Markus.’

 

‘Hey! That’s us!’

‘I know. Shall we hang it on this wall?’

 ‘Fine by me.’

 

‘Where do you want me to put these frames?’

‘Put them in that box. I think I’m going to sell these things.’

 

When I sneezed because of all the dust, Jani chuckled.

 ‘You still got some dust there’, he pointed out and teasingly tapped my butt.

It made me laugh and soon I was chasing him around the house with a mop until we ran out of breath.

 ‘Hehe, I miss the old days. Darn, I’m getting rusty’, I snorted.

‘Yeah, me too’, Jani muttered.

 

Not once did we dare to kiss each other.

 

It was already 3 PM when we put the last boxes in front of the house.

‘These all go with the garbage collector’, Jani stated. I nodded.

Some boxes were placed in the attic. I kept some photos and blueprints Jani deemed useless.

We were both tired of all the cleaning so we retreated to the kitchen. I wanted to help my friend, but Jani insisted he would prepare our lunch. He made a few sandwiches and put them in a basket. He added some apples and bananas too. Afterwards he filled the basket up with a few bottles of water and two beer cans.

 ‘Where are we going?’

‘We’re going to have a picnic’, Jani answered.

And so we walked outside the house and into the woods. After quite some walking, we settled down.

The lunch was spent in silence. I didn’t know what to say nor did Jani. We simply enjoyed each other’s presence.

 

When we finished our lunch, we went back to the house.

 ‘Thanks again, for helping me reorganize stuff’, Jani outed his thanks.

‘You’re welcome. Everything for an old friend of mine’, I gave him a pat on his shoulder. I leaned in closer but we didn’t kiss.

 

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the living room. We sat on the couch and we actually touched.

I laid next to Jani. One hesitating arm wrapped around the other man.

We watched a boring movie. I concentrated on my own breathing and Jani’s. It was steady and relaxed.

When Jani suddenly shed a few tears, I was there to wipe them away.

 ‘It’s okay, Jani’, I hushed.

‘I’m sorry, Markus, for being weak’, my friend sniveled.

 ‘You’re not weak. It’s okay to cry every once in a while, y’know?’, I hushed and stroked through his greying hair.

Jani hummed. ‘Will we ever be back together?’ I gasped. Silence.

We both knew the answer to that question.

 

By the time the sun lowered in the horizon, I started to pack my stuff and wanted to leave.

But Jani wouldn’t let me. On the doorstep, he grabbed my wrist.

He didn’t need to say: ‘Please, stay with me a little longer!’ No, I could read it in his face.

Tears in the corners of his eyes. Mouth one sad line. The hand which he used to grab my wrist with, was shaking. His stance was stiff.

The sight of him on the brink of crying, made my heart crack. So I stepped towards Jani and hugged him.

We stayed like that for a few minutes.

 ‘Let’s get inside, again’, I mumbled.

 

‘I still didn’t tell you why I asked you to come over’, Jani said to break the awkward silence.

I blinked and looked questioning.

 ‘Then please, enlighten me’, I demanded.

‘I wanted to show you something. It’s only possible when night falls, though’, Jani replied.

‘I can wait.’ And so we waited.

 

I observed the former bassist. He looked outside the window. Suddenly Jani stood up and started to put things in a backpack.  I wondered what would be worth photographing. He also put some thick woolen blankets in the bag.

He swung the bag over his shoulder and approached me. He took my hand in his and said: ‘Come with  

 me.’

We walked outside. He lead me through the forest until we reached a lake. A small rowing boat awaited us. With a little hesitation I stepped into the wobbly thing.

 ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine’, Jani reassured me. He then rowed us to the middle of the lake.

The sun was very low at this point of the day. When the boat was finally still, he took out the blankets and offered me one. We wrapped ourselves into them so we wouldn’t feel cold.

 ‘Now we have to wait again’, Jani said. ‘If you want, you can sleep a little. I’ll keep you safe’, the man reassured me.

I said he didn’t need to, but I started to feel tired quickly. Before I knew it, I fell asleep in Jani’s lap.

 

‘Markus. Markus, wake up. It’s time!’, Jani carefully shook my body until I fully awakened.

It was almost pitch dark outside. Apart from… from…

I widened my eyes as I took in my environment. We were still in the little boat on the water. The temperature had certainly dropped.

Millions of fireflies were surrounding us, lighting up the lake.

The number of fireflies seemed to be doubled due to their reflection on the now glistening surface.

The view took my breath away. So _this_ is what Jani wanted to show me.

 ‘It’s enchanting, Jani!’, I exclaimed.

We finally made eye contact and Jani’s eyes weren’t only glistening thanks to the light of the fireflies, but also because he really was glowing inside.

Without hesitation I touched his chest so I could hear his heart beat. I gave him my warmest smile and he returned it with his brightest smile.

 ‘I know. Don’t you think it’s almost magical?’, he whispered.

‘Yeah. It’s definitely magical!’, I nodded, still breathless. Our faces suddenly were closer. ‘Jani’, I sighed.

 ‘Hm?’, the other man mumbled.

‘Thank you for showing me this. Words cannot describe what I’m seeing and feeling’, I told him.

‘Neither can I. But I thought a fellow photographer like you would enjoy this view’, Jani hummed, closing our distance more and more.

And then we shared a short, but heartfelt kiss. It was almost a hesitating kiss.

After all those years, our lips finally met again. The glow of Jani was transmitted through that kiss.

I felt my body glow too now. Our heads kept pressed against each other as we stared into each other’s glimmering eyes.

 ‘I’m still in love with you, Markus’, Jani whispered.

‘I know. And I feel like there’s still a flickering fire burning inside me as well. Yet I can’t reach it anymore’, my response came in between shaky sighs. I had to hold back a sob.

 ‘But we can never be, can we?’, Jani’s voice was about to crack.

A tear rolled down my face. ‘Yes, I know. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for us.’

 ‘It’s okay, Markus. As long as we stay friends. And as long as you keep visiting me from time to time. Otherwise I don’t know if I can bear it’, Jani’s eyes stared intensely into mine.

I now grasped his hands. My fingers brushed over his trembling ones in a soothing way.

 ‘I will. I promise. I’ll keep coming back for you, Jani. That’s a promise I won’t break’, I mused.

Jani managed to grin.

 ‘Let’s watch the dance of the fireflies now’, he stated and I nodded.

And so we watched the fireflies dance on the silvery surface of the water of the lake.

 

We didn’t take pictures that night, but the moment was imprinted in our souls. Just like my feelings for Jani never really left me. It was like a low flickering candle. Weak, but still glowing. Never extinguishing.

_Even after all those years._


End file.
